Do you ever get mad at God? I hate to admit it, and maybe I wouldn’t have admitted it until I read a blog entry by someone who used to write a Christian blog and no longer does. One of the reasons they listed is because they are, or were, mad at God.
Now I could get all judgmental and say, “This person is going to hell for being mad at God!” I might say anything or might have said anything prior to God helping me bring my tongue under control.
However, instead, I didn’t judge the person because I understand that sometimes in the life of a dedicated to God person, we are going to get mad at God. If you don’t understand that you will before your walk with God is through.
In my case my life went to hell in a hand basket after a terribly unfair situation. I mean a REALLY unfair situation! Everyone I knew realized how unfair it was and how horrible our lives had become because of a mistake by a doctor and a hospital. There was no mistaking that their mistake had ruined our lives. So we took these negligent people to court and as unbelievable as it sounds we lost the case. Because we lost the case the house we were leasing with an option to buy was lost too. Our credit was ruined as a result of medical bills and now we were about to be out of the streets because the landlord refused to deal with us now that it looked like we couldn’t afford the house. He was rude, mean, and demonic and things went bad quickly. We had planned to buy the house and so had no money saved up and had to borrow money to move from high interest loan companies. There have been days we have had nothing but rice to eat but we make those payments on time. I have three payments left of 350.00 a piece and we live on fixed incomes.
God promised us that we would have justice. We were treated unfairly and we believed, and still do, that we should have won that lawsuit. But we didn’t.
My husband, due to his injury, couldn’t lift our furniture and neither could I. We literally ended up selling at least half of our belongings so that we could have the money to hire a mover. We found another rental home. The rent was higher then where we were but there were only two houses for rent in our small town at the time, and the other one was two stories. It wouldn’t have worked with my husband’s injuries.
At first I was so busy selling things, and getting paperwork together to try and get loans that I didn’t have a moment to think. I was on automatic pilot. When we finally got in our new rental it was weeks before we were relaxed enough to think about our situation. I had to sell almost all my dishes and glassware and had two coffee mugs left. One for Chuck and one for me and one day one slipped out of my hand and fell and broke. It was then that I too broke down.
I cried for hours. I lifted my hands to God and told Him that I was so mad at Him! “Why did you do this to us God,” I cried. I told him of all the things we had done for others during our life of ministry and the rest of our lives too, since we dedicated them to Him.
“I don’t understand you God? You know this isn’t fair and you know that we are flat broke with nothing at our age to show for our lives,” I said angrily. Bottom line is I let God have it.
Then as I cried myself out to a whimper and lay down on my bed exhausted, God begin to speak to me of His love for me. He told me that it’s not over and that He would not break His promise to me to have my own home again someday. But then I saw that the real culprit was Satan. God spoke to me that Satan was desperate because we had so many plans for that money that involved God’s people! Satan put people in that jury box that were cold hearted and eager to see us suffer because it was the only way he could stop all the good that was going to come from the money we needed.
It made sense. Our case is at the State Supreme Court now and they are hearing it. I don’t know how it will turn out but I don’t care anymore.
I began to see that I had put too much emphasis on money and not enough on God. I shouldn’t have thought about it at all and remained dependent on a loving father who saw to it that we still have a roof over our heads and gave us the strength to keep going day after day.
I apologized to God because I realized that our relationship with God is not a human relationship. Human relationships break down when we often don’t feel like we get what we need from them. We think, “If he or she loved me they would have done this or that for me.” But our relationship with God is a covenant. He never stops loving us, even when we do get mad at Him. It’s a love that is meant to be everlasting because He chose us. He knew who would be His from the beginning of time. That is a love that is supernatural. It’s a love that lasts through eternity. He is always on our side, and He promises to make something good out of our lives and restore the years the locusts have eaten away.
Any human relationship can and will end. Either through natural death or God only knows what. God’s love will never fail us.
Satan was laughing and dancing gleefully the day I threw myself on the floor and confronted God. I know that now and it breaks my heart. I was wrong. I realize now, more then ever, when you are working for God you are a prime target. The sooner Satan can make you mad enough to turn against God, the better for Him it is. The less people you can minister too the better it is for Satan. This is war. We have to put on armor and understand the enemy.
So get mad at God if you must, but don’t stay mad. Moses questioned God, Abraham questioned God and many others have too.
It’s okay to get mad, but it’s time to ask forgiveness of Him and restore your relationship. He’s waiting for you in the Garden! Meet Him there and make up with Him!