In 1959 I was thrilled to be the owner of one of the first Barbie dolls
to be distributed. My closest playmate lived across the street from
us. Her father was a toy salesman who attended a toy show in New
York City, NY that year. While he was attending the doll, destined to
be famous, was introduced. He was fortunate enough to obtain two
of them. He bought one for Susan and one for me.
The doll came in a somewhat plain box, especially when
you compare it to the Barbie dolls of today. The doll was wearing a
black and white swimsuit. Very modest, by today’s standards, I
must say! She had a blonde ponytail and her make-up was very
unique with highly arched eyebrows. I thought she was beautiful!
As time went by, they came out with more and more
clothes for Barbie. My playmate and I spent hours upon hours
dressing her and imagining her going on glamorous excursions. A
friend of my family even made my Barbie a custom wardrobe. The
Christmas, following the time I had received my Barbie, she gave me
a huge shoebox full of Barbie doll clothes. Those clothes were my
favorite gifts that Christmas and I played with my Barbie and
dressed her in all sorts of glamorous outfits.
The years of childhood seemed to fly by and before you
knew it I was starting to want to fix my hair nice and put on make
up. I started to look at magazines and began to compare my looks
to those of the beautiful models and movie stars I saw. In my mind I
never did look as pretty as my first role model, Barbie, and those
girls in Seventeen magazines.
I have baby fine hair that would never hold a curl. My
features aren’t quite as perfect as I thought they should be. I begin
to obsess with my nose. It is larger than it should be and no matter
how much make-up I put on it never looked as nice as I thought it
should. I begin to feel that when anyone looked at me they thought
“My goodness, what a big nose she has.” This feeling stayed with
me for years. My self-esteem was never as good, at that time, as it
should have been.
In 1979 I was facilitating a woman’s bible study in my
home. We got on the subject of low self-esteem. During prayer
request time I asked for the ladies to pray that God would restore
my self-esteem, I admitted my feeling that I was never pretty. I
admitted the fact that I had wished I could get a nose job. To my
amazement after the bible study ended several women came up to
me and said the following “I don’t know what you are talking about,
I have never even noticed your nose before!”
I knew they were just trying to be kind
It was then that I begin to deal with my self-esteem
issues. While I was praying one day, the Lord brought an image to
my mind. I was six years old at the time and my mother and I were
at a store shopping. My mother ran into one of her friends from
high school. The friend said, “Is that your little girl? She sure is
pretty!” To which my mother replied, “She isn’t pretty, but she is
such a sweet little girl.” Those words had taken root in my spirit
and though I had forgotten about it, the Lord wanted me to know
that it was then that satan used my mother’s words to plant a seed
of low self-esteem in my spirit.
I had to deal with the hurt that remark had caused. I had
to forgive my mother and realize that in God’s eyes each one of us
is beautiful. God showed me a field of flowers during one of my
intimate prayer times with Him. I saw a field of beautiful flowers..All
red and all tulips. The scene changed and then I saw another field
of flowers. The flowers in this scene were all multicolored there
were tulips, irises, roses, lilacs, etc. The Lord then spoke to my
heart “Which scene did you enjoy the most.” I thought “Well of
course, the multicolored one.” Then it was as if I heard God say “So,
did I!” “In my garden I have children of every color and each one is
unique. That is what makes them so beautiful to look at!” I thought
about that and realized how true it is. It is our uniqueness that
makes the world so interesting. How boring it would be if everyone
looked alike!
Now that I am a grandmother I look back upon pictures
of myself when I was young and think “Wow, I sure wish I had
known at that time, how much I had going for me. I was really
pretty!”
The things I have learned about being beautiful come from
scripture. God tells us that we “are the apples of his eye”. In Isaiah
64 V 8 the bible says “But now, O Lord, Thou art our Father, We are
the clay, and thou our potter; and all of us are the work of Thy
hand.” God made you and me especially for His enjoyment. He
made us all unique and He took time in doing so. He worked with
the clay and then when He got it just so, we were created, to be a
piece of heavenly art. Who are we to question the work of the
Master artist?
Knowing who I am and what I mean to the father has changed my
life. I no longer suffer from feelings of not being beautiful. I know
that I am a daughter of the King of the Universe and to Him I am a
thing of beauty. Whenever I have moments of doubt I remember
that and walk into a room, head held high.
Proverbs 31 V 10- 31 doesn’t talk about the beauty of a Barbie
doll, the beauty of a movie star or the beauty of a model. To find
out what the Lord considers to be a beautiful woman read it and let
the words of that Proverb be who you are; the Proverbs 31 woman.
A woman who is found beautiful by God, her husband and her
children. When all is said and done the old saying “Beauty is within”
is still true! Make yourself and your life something beautiful in the
eyes of your Creator and those who know you!
“Charm and grace are deceptive, and beauty is vain (because it is
not lasting), but a woman who reverently and worshipfully fears the
Lord, she shall be praised” Proverbs 31 V 30. Amplified Bible.
In God’s Unconditional Love,
Cathie Miller
belovedhandmdn1@aol.com
Wisdom Of The Cooing Dove 