Love Addiction Help For Christians

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“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-5

 

The following is an excerpt from my new E book, “Love Addiction Help For Christians.” You can see it by going to Amazon and putting my name; “Cathie King-Miller” in the search line.  As a recovered Love Addict I poured out my heart in this book. I have researched Love Addiction for the last ten years. I have counseled Love Addicts and Avoidance Addicts. This book is the result. You can break free. God has a plan for your life and it is my sincere desire that after reading and applying the advice in this book you can not only survive Love Addiction but have the knowledge to find your God given soul mate.

If you have ever been in a relationship where you were treated poorly, cheated on, and verbally  abused, but couldn’t break free,  this book is God ordained for you….

 

Tony’s Story…names and places have been changed to protect the clients privacy.

 

Tony fell in love with Louise in high school. From the moment he saw her she was the only girl for him. He was obsessed with her. Her bubbly personality, blonde hair and blue eyes were nothing like his dark looks and shy demeanor.

 

They both attended the First Baptist church in the small town they grew up in. Tony was born into a Christian family and by the time he was 13 years old he went forward and accepted Jesus Christ as his savior. Louise’s story was almost identical to Tony’s.

 

It was understood that they would get married the summer after high school graduation. They had a simple, but lovely, wedding. They next month they loaded his old Ford truck and headed for the state college where Tony would evidentially earn an engineering degree.

 

Tony graduated and immediately received several job offers. He finally took a job for a well-known oil company. Tony and Louise were excited about moving to a large town in the Midwest. With a nice salary Tony was able to buy a wonderful starter home for them. Soon they had two beautiful children and by that time he had received a couple of promotions. They bought their dream home and stayed busy with two children going to their games and participating in their activities.

 

They were well established in a nice bible-believing church.

 

Louise started going back to school to get her degree. The children soon graduated from high school and Louise started to work as a teacher.

 

Their life had been full and busy and there was no time to be bored. However, now with the kids away from home and Louise working, Tony began to experience a bit of depression and an extreme boredom with life. He spent a lot of time sitting on the patio and contemplating what he might have missed in life.

 

A new guy, Mario, was working with him and he was also in his early fifties. He had a flashy sports car and was always seen with a lot of gorgeous and younger women at the company parties. One afternoon as they were leaving work the new guy asked Tony to go get a drink with him. Tony wasn’t much of a drinker but he figured, “Why, not?”

 

The two men had a couple of beers and then Mario said, “Let’s get out of here. Want to go see some gorgeous women at the strip club?”

 

Tony felt excited and guilty at the same time. He was afraid to look like a goody-goody to Mario and so for the first time in his life he went to a strip club. He felt guilty, at first, but he was soon spending more and more time there.

 

He met a pretty stripper named Monica who lavished attention on Tony. Monica knew men, she could see that Tony had money and she was willing to do what she had to do to get some of it.

 

Inexperienced Tony was flattered by her attention. For the first time in a long time he felt happy and young again. He started to think about what it would be like to have Monica to himself away from the strip club. So Tony asked Monica out.

 

He started telling Louise he had a working weekend every now and then. Louise had no reason to distrust Tony and so she never gave it a second thought.

 

Monica was going to nice places. Tony was spending big money on her and he was totally addicted to her and the sex. He could not stop thinking about it. Monica opened up experiences to him that he had never had, sexually, before.

 

One evening he went to pick up Monica and she surprised him with the news she was pregnant.

 

He was too far into love addiction to get upset over the pregnancy

 

He mind was foggy. Thinking about how this was going to hurt Louise never even worried him. He went home, told her he was in love with another woman and packed a suitcase and left.

 

The day his divorce was final they flew to Las Vegas, Nevada and got married.

 

Monica, knowing the Tony would do anything for her began to use him immediately. He bought her an expensive car. Soon after he bought a million dollar home on several acres. It came complete with a swimming pool, horse stables and a guesthouse.

 

The baby was born and Tony was proudly showing him off to his buddies. He felt like a young stud as he saw looks of envy on the faces of his old friends.

 

Then, within a year, Tony noticed Monica pulling away from him a bit. To keep her happy he bought her anything she wanted. Tony had always been a saver. He had planned well for his future, but now between payments of alimony to Louise and buying expensive furniture, horses and trinkets to keep Monica with him, he was beginning to worry about finances for the first time since he graduated from college.

 

The end started for Tony when he arrived home early from a business trip to find Monica in bed with their pool boy. She convinced him she was sorry and it would never happen again. However, it did happen again and again until she fell in love with another man with even more money. She kicked Tony out of the house, got a high-powered divorce lawyer and took him to the cleaners financially and emotionally.

 

By the time Tony came for love addiction counseling he was truly a broken man. He had lost the love of his life, his first wife, his children had turned against him, and he had another child he would have to financially support well into his seventies.

 

Love addiction, like any other addiction, had destroyed Tony’s life. He backslid terribly and he was embarrassed to show his face at the church he and Louise had attended for years.

 

He was at rock bottom and living in an efficiency apartment.

 

Love addiction had taken a toll on his mind; he was overcome with guilt and depressed to the point of suicide. Through a lot of confession and repenting before the Lord, and several years of counseling, he was restored to fellowship with God. His relationship with his first family was never to be the same. Everyday was a constant battle to overcoming bitterness and regret.

 

The Avoidance Addict that Tony was involved in was very skilled at picking up weaknesses with men. She played him and destroyed him and in his mind, she won.

 

When God Has Us In A Holding Pattern

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Be still in the presence of the Lord,
and wait patiently for him to act.
Don’t worry about evil people who prosper
or fret about their wicked schemes. Psalm 37:7

It appears that God has me in a holding pattern. It’s as if I am on a plane, willing and able to get onto my next destination and God has come on the overhead speaker saying, “We are experiencing some unexpected difficulties and we cannot take off at this time. It is nothing to worry about, I will keep you posted.”

It actually started last month, shortly after publishing my Kindle Books the Lord spoke to my heart the following, “Stop and pray before ministering in any way. Don’t do anything without praying to see if it is in my will.”

I am at an age where it might make sense to retire but that is not who I am and God knows it. I love being about the Lords work. It actually energizes me. That’s how you know you are on your right path with God. When you love what you do so much that it doesn’t feel like work, you have found your ministry.

God has me in this holding pattern. I am anxious to get on with it but God’s not having it for some reason.

I know this about holding patterns, because I have experienced them before, if I try and go forward on my own, before God releases me, anything I do on my own will fail.

In trying to understand these holding patterns I have learned there are many examples of them in the Bible. You too might be there. You feel as if you are between a rock and a hard place.

In Exodus 14 we read that the Israelites were in between a rock and a hard place. Pharaoh had changed his mind about letting them go free. They had gone as far as they could go. The Red Sea was in front of them and Pharaoh was in back of them. They couldn’t go back nor could they go forward. It was then that God told them to “Be still and see the salvation of the Lord.”

God, when the time was right created the huge miracle of parting the Red Sea so that the Israelites could go to the Promised Land. At the same time He closed the Red Sea to The Egyptians who Pharaoh had sent to bring them back into bondage.

The key is that when the time was EXACTLY right God delivered them. God will do the same for me and you.

It’s in these holding patterns that we learn to trust God. We grow and mature in the Lord so when we finally do take off we are equipped with the things we need inside of us to be of use in the next stage of life.

Have we got the “right stuff” to hang in and wait on God or will we rush ahead more then likely unprepared for what lies ahead?

In His Unconditional Love,
Cathie Miller

Facing Reality On Valentine’s Day

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When we are single we pray for a relationship because being alone on Valentine’s Day makes us feel the lack of a close romantic relationship more then ever.

So then our prayers are answered and God gives us a partner and we think every Valentine’s Day From then on out will be wine and roses.

Then reality sets in and it’s not always what we expected.

It took me years to realize that our expectations of Valentines Day are rooted in our childhood and our partner’s expectations are rooted in their childhood.

A lot of unfulfilled expectations can be avoided if we simply get real about things.

I am a giver and I come from a giving family. In my childhood, every single year my father bought a large heart shaped box of candy for my mother and a smaller one for me. My mother, who loved surprises, would put a stuffed animal, or some other gift, on my bed to be found by me when I got home from school. I looked forward to that each year and could barely wait for the school day to be over so that I could rush home and see my surprise.

My expectation of Valentines Day was shaped and took root in My childhood. I thought everyone’s family was like mine.

What a shock when my husband did nothing for me for Valentines Day. My expectations of Valentines Day didn’t equal his. I took it personally and it meant, in my world, that my husband didn’t love me.

As time went on I found out that my husband came from a very different background. In his home of origin they very seldom gave each other surprises. They would often tell the other family member what they wanted. They wanted to make sure the gift was appreciated and those gifts were Birthdays and Christmas only.

One other thing I found out that put a crimp on my husband’s giving was that a relationship in his past consisted of him buying things for the other person who usually complained about the gifts he gave. That led to him feeling rejected and he avoided that rejection by not gifting anything at all.

A lot of my hurt feelings went away when I started to understand that it wasn’t that my husband didn’t love me instead he was dealing with things he had learned in his family of origin and lessons he learned from another relationship that made him believe every relationship was the same.

Rather then having a big fight on Valentine’s Day, birthdays and Christmas I began to understand to not take it personally. Did I wish things were different? Yes I did. Was it worth breaking up our otherwise good relationship for? No it wasn’t. I left it alone and prayed about it.

God started working on my husband when I accepted the situation and prayed.

My husband’s slowly started to change. He too began to realize that I should not be punished because of what his experiences of the past has been.

Now, at fourteen years of marriage things have changed through prayer and mutual understanding of each other. This year Valentine’s Day is on Wednesday and he bought me something Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. He can’t drive anymore and he buys online, little things he can afford. Little things should and do mean a lot.

One other thing I feel like saying is that things in other relationships are not always as great as they look.

Years ago I worked in a large building in downtown Albuquerque. My oldest son’s wife, my daughter in law, came with my oldest grandson to bring me a little something for Valentine’s Day. I pointed out to her the two dozen roses on a co-workers desk. I mentioned to my daughter I law that the woman’s husband was so in love with her he sent flowers constantly.

My daughter in law started to laugh and whispered to me, “ I know her! Her husband is the guy I told you about that put the moves on me when I worked with him! He probably does that out of the guilt he feels because he’s a player.”

We should never be jealous because someone else’s husband seems so perfect. We just never know!

One thing I do know is that God loves us unconditionally and this life is not perfect for anyone but the eternal life to come will be!

In His Unconditional Love,

Cathie

A Word For Someone

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This is for someone….
This morning the Lord spoke the following for someone and this is what He has to tell you..

“I saw those times you suffered. The times you went without even the basic necessities so you could give your family everything they wanted. I know that a lot of times they took it for granted but they don’t know that you prayed and sacrificed to see that they never went without. Only you and I know how hard your life was in the beginning. You are a bright jewel in my crown. You are doing better now but I am going to bring a windfall to you, I can trust you with your JACKPOT. You have many things you want to do for others and I am supplying everything you need in a way that will seem miraculous to those around you, but never forget that every good and perfect gift comes from my hand and nowhere else!

I love you my child and say to you….well done My good and perfect servant.”

His Handmaiden,

Cathie Miller