Before I start my story let’s get this out of the way, yes I know life can get hard sometimes and I have compassion for those who feel like quitting. I know that sometimes the pain gets to be too much and that sometimes the person in pain just wants it all to end. Having said that let me show you the other side of suicide.
In my humble opinion suicide is the ultimate Narcissistic act. It’s the person saying my pain is more intense then my love for you, my child, my parents, my siblings or my partner. It’s a lifetime sentence for the people left behind.
Some of you know that God works through me in mystical ways. I don’t like the word mystic but it’s my only way to explain it to folks who don’t understand the gifts of the Holy Spirit, so please bear with me.
One day many years ago, while doing spiritual counseling with a client, I saw first hand the aftermath of suicide. The woman sitting in front of me was a physical therapist at a facility that I too worked at. I knew nothing about her but that.
Immediately, as she sat down, God showed me a very agitated woman standing in back of the physical therapist. I tried to ignore it but the woman kept agitating. Finally I stopped long enough to hear the woman say, over and over, “Tell her I am sorry, tell her I am sorry, tell her I am sorry!”
I said to the PT, “ I am sorry but before we go any farther there is a woman standing in back of you repeating over and over, “Tell her I am sorry.”
The PT’s eyes got big and she started to cry. Huge body wracking sobs were coming out of her. I was taken a back, and stood up to go comfort her by giving her a hug. She just collapsed into that hug like a child whose heart had been broken in a million pieces.
When she finally gathered her composure she told me the following; “You don’t know this but when I was 12 years old my mother shot and killed herself in front of me and my two younger brothers. I have wondered my whole life if she had any idea of the pain she was causing me, and my brothers, in order that she could escape her own pain. You have just given me the closure I never had!”
My entire life I have not forgotten that particular counseling session. The pain that poor woman had inflicted upon her by her own mother was simply overwhelming. It shaped my whole opinion on suicide from that day forth.
Please, if you feel suicidal, consider the pain you are transferring from yourself to your loved ones and get help.
As Christians we are reminded of the scripture, “The Lord giveth life and the Lord taketh life, blessed be the Name of The Lord!” God gave us our lives and only he has a right to take it. There is a time appointed for each of us to die. When we commit suicide we show that we think that we, and we alone, have the right to decide when to die. We play God.
I know it hurts but find someone to counsel with and get help! God has a better plan for your life and Satan wants to disrupt that plan through death. Start praying for God to help you and He will! What you may see as the end of your life is actually a doorway to a new beginning!
In His Unconditional Love,