It Hurts But I Am Closer To Acceptance


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Can we talk? At first I wasn’t going to publish this. It shows my feelings are raw. I am usually the encouragement person. But then I prayed and felt led to share it anyway. We all are trying to be perfect. We know we don’t have to be, but we try. But the truth is we are human, in suits of flesh. We need each other. So I am publishing this. We are all pilgrims in this place longing for our home in heaven where God will wipe away each tear. So I am sharing this as I feel impressed by God that many can relate!

 

It hurts But I Am Closer To Acceptance

We are too hard on ourselves. When we have bad relationships with people we should either ignore it or change it. If it’s someone that is constantly uncaring, hurtful and rude it might be best to leave those people alone as much as possible. But what if it’s family? Someone you have to spend certain times with because of your spouse? It’s best to get along, in those situations, because of keeping family peace.

I have always been a “why” person. It’s who I am. I like a challenge. Because of that I will analyze a situation and make it better if I see area’s in which I might need to change.

So I looked at a certain situation and recognized area’s I needed to grow and change in. I prayed about it and I changed. I was sick of being a couple of folks emotional scapegoat. Everything I did was wrong, I was conspiring constantly to make their life miserable, according to them. I could say so much more but some of you will understand. 

I changed, I quit getting involved with anything that was none of my business. I was kind and I was understanding and went out of my way to please them.

And you know what? Nothing changed. Nothing changed because these people had made me the wicked witch of the Southwest and they were used to me being the excuse for a bad relationship with another family member. They thought “we win,” and we aren’t going to change.”

Lesson learned. Sometimes we need to change our behavior around certain people. When, with the help of God, we do change and we are still ignored, used and emotionally abused it’s time to realize it is what it is and again set boundaries.

I am thankful for God’s Unconditional Love that continues to remind me that I too am loved.

 My life is pretty hard. Because of my husband’s physical condition I have to take care of him and everything else by myself. He was in the hospital for 3 months and had seven operations. We lost everything we had because of our medical bills, even with insurance. It’s a challenge to put food on the table and vacations, buying gifts, well we just don’t have the money. We drive a sixteen year old car. We moved from our first rental here into a lease-to-own. We were thrilled thinking we would never have to move again. Then, the landlord decided he didn’t want to do a  lease to own, he wanted the money immediately and we didn’t have it. So we had to move and we had to borrow money from two different loan companies, my daughter and two sweet friends to do it. I pray daily for a way to buy a home. I am working hard to repair our credit scores to do so. In the meantime I thank God to just have a roof over my head. I want to move closer to friends and  some family in the Rio Rancho NM area, but I am stuck. These are folks who would be there the minute I called. So I trust God. When the time comes He will open doors for us.

Looking at a picture recently, of me at 20, I would never have imagined this would be my life in old age. It is what it is.

God gets us through each day with miracles only Chuck and I are aware of them. I build others up in faith because it also builds me up. I love Daddy God because he has said “I am with you always, never will I leave you or forsake you.”

If you think that any of us could get through our problems alone, without the faithfulness of God you are wrong. I am so blessed to be his daughter. But I have been too hard on myself at times. I don’t always need to repair all the cracks in my pot, so that those in my family might treat me better, those cracks are where HIS light shines through. Amen? I know so many of my readers can relate. Satan and those he uses tried to break us…

It didn’t work! Ha ha devil!

In His Unconditional Love,

Cathie Miller

@belovedhandmdn1@aol.com

 

 

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